Sunday, 27 September 2015

My sexual impulse- right or wrong?

Relationship cannot just be based on sex. But fulfilling sexual needs are also equally important. Most of the gays/bisexual guys broke off with their partners and even friends because they feel hurt because of being judged for their sexual impulses. I would like to share with you all a real life situation, sent to me by my friend “Nishant”. He is the “I ”in this story .

For instance if I meet a friend’s friend in gay party who is quite a hot guy. I like him and I feel like taking him on bed. I initiate and send a message through my friend to him that if he would like to share bed with me. He declines and continues to enjoy the party with other friends. I find myself in a awkward situation, still I try my best not to show my friends that I feel embarrassed. Later at night I realize that it’s quite late and I could not go home, I will have to stay back at my friend’s place. While getting on friend’s car I realize that about 6-7 guys are staying at same friend’s flat and one of them is the same guy whom I felt to have sex with. Anyways I was not at all interested to take a chance because I had already felt insulted once. We reach the flat and everyone sleeps in 3 different rooms. It was about 4am  when I woke up for toilet and while going to the bathroom through the passage, I get to see that same guy is having sex with a tiny ugly looking guy who does not even worth shaking hands with. My face gets red hot angry and I start feel rejected. Many thoughts starts coming to my mind. That sexy guy is just a chutiya guy, I judge him that he must be not worthy enough to fall for, he must not be good in nature, not worthy for being a friend. I strictly create strong hatred against him and decide never to see him or meet him again. Now my question to all of you, Is this judgmental behavior right?? Do think this emotion will help me to create trust worthy and happy friendship in gay community? What if I feel bad about myself based on other’s approval?? Do I give freedom to others to choose what sort of partner do they prefer for sex or Do I immediately declare them wrong? Am I jealous of my not so good looking friend if he gets a good date? This behavior creates our future, Therefore I request all of you to share your honest opinion, what  you would have done if you would encountered the same situation??

Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Releasing guilty and fear/A real case study


I have got very normal life bt very abnormal surrounding around me.
From my childhood I have seen my family people always fighting with each other. They love their children a lot for sure bt they care about their fightings the most. In my teenage I got involved into homosexual activity with one of my classmate.
After my 12th I shifted to Haldwani for my coaching of CA. After clearing it's entrance , I continued my coaching there only. Then someone came in my life one of my room mate in Haldwani came close to my heart. He used to care about me a lot, used to do everthng for me . After some tym he started liking me nd we both had little body ply. He wanted to go for anal but I refused. After sometym things got changed between us. He started ignoring me , used to fight wth me , sometimes he use to be normal. The. I shifted to Delhi . He just hates me now  and  I am trying to forget him from last one year bt I can't. Whenever I try to go in a relationship with either any boy or girl. His face use to appear in front of me.
I just want to move on . I want to concentrate on my career but I can't.
Kindly advice me what to do??
I will be very grateful to u.

Response and guidance provided:

Dear Beloved,
Thank you for writing to me. I can understand that you feel guilty for him whenever you wish to start a new relationship in your life. Since you were very close to him and shared lot of time with him you have been emotionally attached. This attachment has created a feeling of guilty of not being able to satisfy him or not being faithful to him. It may also be possible since you have seen lot of troublesome atmosphere at home, the blame feeling is prominent in your subconscious mind since childhood.
Now let me tell you something that connects with reality. Everyone is responsible for his own self. If you do not like to anal sex that is absolutely fine, he must respect your freewill and you have no compulsion to indulge in anal sex in order to make him happy. Relationship can only exist if both the partners accept each other and respect each others' free will. There is nothing that you have done wrong to him. You must not think that you are to be blamed if things do not go right any time, anywhere. You must release any guilt or blame for yourself.
You just have to release the guilt emotion from your subconscious mind. You can try this exercise. Close your eyes for 5 minutes, see his face in front of you and observe what emotions come to you, do not resist, just feel those emotions. You might feel bad and restless but do not worry they have come to the surface to get released. Now open your eyes go in front of the mirror and say the following statement looking into your eyes in the mirror. (say loudly). You can say them hindi or any of your mother tongue in which you understand yourself the most. (language which you have been speaking since your childhood)
1. I am responsible for myself only. Everyone is responsible for himself.
2. I truly forgive myself for blaming myself for his problem. I deeply and completely accept and love myself.
3. I am free to choose my own life.
4. I am accepted and loved for who I am.
5. I do not judge myself with whatever happened in the past.
6. I know how it feels like to live for myself without feeling guilty.
7. I know how it feels like to live in my daily life without being blamed.
You are free, trust that everything in your life is being taken care of. I wish you a great journey ahead. Please feel free to share your experience after doing this exercise.

Warm Regards,
Rahul Anand
Psychotherapist and counselor 

Monday, 15 June 2015

You have the power to choose your life

 We are each responsible for our experiences. Every thought we think is creating our future. Everyone is dealing with the damaging patterns of resentment, criticism, guilt, and self hatred. These are only the thoughts and thoughts can be changed. We need to release the past and forgive everyone including ourselves. Self approval and self acceptance in  the now are the keys to positive changes. The point of power is always in the present moment. The aforementioned power words are extracts of Louise Hay which has changed many people's lives including mine. 

Letting Go

Take a deep breath and as you exhale you allow the tension to leave your body. Visualize this breathing flowing freely into your body relaxing your forehead, tongue, throat, shoulders, arms, hands, your abdomen, pelvis, legs and your feet. In this relaxed, comfortable position, say to yourself, "I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all stress. I release all fears.  I release all anger. I release all guilt. I release all sadness. I let go of old limitations. I let go and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with process of life. I am safe."

Repeat this exercise whenever thoughts of difficulty come up. It takes little practice for the routine to become a part of you. Once you are familiar with it, you can do it anywhere at anytime. You be able to relax completely in any situation. 

I move beyond my fears

Universal consciousness is changing as more people are becoming aware of what is going on inside them. I am hereby writing most common fears "If you believe" in part 1 and adjacent to them is "then you must affirm" in part2. You can also write down your greatest fears and create corresponding positive statements. The law of repetition will help you to create your reality by saying your own affirmations. 

1. I am afraid that no one will ever see my value. 
1. Everyone values my work and appreciates it. 

2. I will never have a place of my own. 
2. There is a perfect home for me and I accept it now. 

3. My parents won't accept me the way I am. 
3. I accept my parents and their limitations and they in turn accept me and love me.  

4. I am afraid of being poor. 
4. I completely trust that all my needs will be taken care of.  

5. I think that I am fat/thin and unattractive. 
5. I release the need to criticize my body. 

6. I am afraid before having sex that I will have to "perform". 
6. I am relaxed and I flow with life easily and effortlessly. 

7. I am afraid of bring sick and unable to take care of myself. 
7. I will always attract all the help I need. 

8. I don't think that anyone will ever love me. 
8. Love and acceptance are mine. I love myself. 

9. I am afraid of getting old. 
9. Every age has its infinite possibilities. I am always accepted and loved for who I am. I am always in demand. 

10. What if I die too early. 
10. I trust the process of life. I am accomplishing everything in time that I have come for.

Suggested Readings by Louise Hay:

1. Love Yourself Heal Your Life Workbook

2. The Power Is Within You

3.All is Well: Heal Your Body with Medicine, Affirmation and Intuition


Tuesday, 9 June 2015

A Better change

Sometimes we do not know why we are not able to achieve a better health, peaceful mind, a loving relationship, trustworthy friends, helpful colleagues and satisfaction. The following are the affirmations that Louise Hay has given to create a better life. The first part is "If you believe" and the second part just beneath it is "then you must affirm". I express my deep gratitude and love to her for sharing this treasure with us.

1. I can't stop buying things. 
1. I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and my life. 

2. I need my drugs/tranquilizers/sleeping pills/poppers. 
2. I relax into the flow of life and let life provide all that I need easily and comfortably. 

3. Drinking makes me popular and gives me acceptance in society. 
3. I radiate acceptance and I am deeply loved by others. 

4. Having lots of sex helps me to escape. 
4. I have the power, strength, and knowledge to handle everything in my life. 

5. I can't stop eating. 
5.  Love surrounds me and protects me and nourishes me. 

6. Smoking cigarettes reduces my stress. 
6. I release my stress with ease.  

7. I can't get away from abusive relationships. 
7. I am powerful and capable. I love and appreciate all of myself.  

8. I want to feel better now
8. I am at peace. 


Sunday, 24 May 2015

The last question

I receive numerous suggestions on what should I write which can help a gay to live a better life. Yesterday I received an email from a very humble stranger (Chetan) who shared a realization from his life. After receiving his email I called him and had a deep emotional conversation which helped me to create this blog.

He is a guy from a wealthy business family and his all his needs are met since childhood except one. It is his need of love. Do you know why? It is because it is not a need, it is a feeling. He asked his inner voice "Do you how does it feel like to be loved", his inner voice bluntly says no, what is that? He was surprised and looked at his past where he had fulfilled sex with most handsome guys in Delhi. He remembers and looks back at his college life when he spent endless night in gay parties with a different breed of men every time. He enjoyed the most with Jaat, Afghani, Kashmiri and Pakistanis. He had wholesome sex with north easterns, himachali and bengali too. He himself is a marwari guy. It was not only in past, he had a endless numbers in  his contact now too. However he was in dilemma in spite of availability of some many good looking men why does he feel emptiness of not being loved in his heart. 

Thinking about this weird question which came up first time in his life, his slept. Chetan founds himself amidst of football game in his school playground. The school's most handsome guy and arrogant guy is in the hold of football and not letting anyone from the other team to even touch it while he is chasing for a goal. Suddenly chetan's best friend Anil from the same team jumps over to take over the ball. He could not tolerate it and kicks the ball with his full force. In the meanwhile anil loses his balance and fells. The kick directly hits him in chest and lie flat on the ground. He was motionless and did not show any moment. Chetan was looking at all this from a distance and suddenly realizes that anil needs his help. He rushed to him however stopped by the coach and told that peon is taking him to the medical room, you need to concentrate on the ball. He said we can not afford to leave practice as the state tournament is going to be held next week. Chetan could not focus on game anymore because he had promised anil that he will be there for him whenever he needed him. 

After an hour practice was over and he rushed to medical where the incharge informed her that there had been intense pain in anil's chest and his parents have been informed and they must be reaching soon. Anil's dad came and took him to the nearest hospital where he was put in observation for another 24 hours. The do doctor's informed the parents that it is the case of cardiac malfunction and he will not be able to play football for next one year and needs complete bed rest for next 3 months. It meant lot to chetan. He used to share all emotions with anil since no one at his home had time to talk to him. Dad was busy with new business expansions and mom had divorced dad 5 years back and living separately. Anil was a great emotional support to him all the time. He shared all his feelings with him. He stayed at hospital with Anil for next 7 days.

A short attendance notice from school is received at chetan's home and unfortunately the delivery gets received by Chetan's dad. Dad calls and asks him why was he absconding from school since last 7 days. Chetan honestly tells him the whole story. Dad says "I do not pay your school fee so that you can take care of your friends, I did not earn a rupee without draining my sweat. If you do not wish to work with my rules you can leave my house and stay with your mother". Something moves inside chetan and he feels a strong urge to prove himself to the people who had hurt him. He makes a strict schedule for himself. He felt as if he needs to prove his worth to dad and also to the arrogant guy who had hurt Anil. 

He started regularly attending the classes and started spending 3 hours daily at the gym. He wanted to build muscles and a huge body so that he could defeat that arrogant guy. He forced himself so much into the schedule that he often forgets to visit anil at the hospital. Anil was also not able to reply to his emotional talks due to his bad health. Gradually chetan focused himself on being the most desired guy in the school. He completely forgets about the promise he made to anil. Due to going to gym his body had taken a great and muscular shape now. Many good looking guys offered him to have physical pleasure with them. He got so much engrossed in having sex with them that he forgets about emotional fulfillment, emotions getting no way out started sinking in, may be somewhere deeper where they could not be heard anymore. 

 Suddenly Chetan opened his eyes and he looks at the wall clock, it was 4 in the morning and he had a bad dream. A dream that had some reality hidden in the past. He feels he was living someone Else's life. He goes to the mirror and inner voice starts to talk to him,

"Do I have to be someone else in order to feel accepted by society? "

"Am I living an image of an man which my father always wanted me to be?"

"Do I crave for acceptance when I meet new handsome hunks?"

"If those hunks do everything in bed that I want them to do, am I really accepted by them?"

"Where is that sensitive, caring and emotional chetan?"

"Am I being really loved and accepted for who I am ?"

"Why do I feel scared to tell my secrets to any of my people whom I call as friends?"

"If I be sensitive and loving towards any other guy, is it being girlish?"

"Do I also have to take care of matching the image of manhood in the society? "

"Why do I always need to judge guys for their body type and dick size?"

"Why cant I love everyone for who they are?"

"Why can't I attract friends who love and accept me for who I am?"

"Why do I feel rejected even after having wholesome fulfilling sex whole night?"

"Why cant I live my life being myself?"

Chetan never told me anything that happened after the last question. But I am sure you certainly know the answer somewhere deep inside you. 

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Fear of Aging and losing love- Will he be with me through out my life?

All of us wants to preserve youth, attraction and stamina with aging. However we forget that it brings good sex to us but that does that also bring a sense of being loved, being in a long term companionship based on understanding and unconditional love. We as youngsters keep craving for having great sexual encounters with the most good looking men around. We visit pubs, gay clubs and more dating places looking for handsome guys. But do we ever realize what sort of emotions do we feel after having that sex date over. Research shows that most young gay men do not meet the same guy with whom they had fulfilling sex date last night for at least next 7 days. It is fear that tells them that this guy might hamper their sexual freedom and moreover if they get emotionally attached, they might getting themselves hurt in the end. A deep emotional hurt that says that "you are not worthy of being loved". You have to beyond the outer surface to establish fulfilling and loving relationships in your lives. It is sharing a true or unconditional love. It will never make your feel alone or unworthy of love. 

The solution lies in making the right decision at the point when you going for a date. Do not judge yourself or the person whom you are dating with, with an amount of pleasure that he gives you while having sex. De attach from the sexual pleasure for a while, meet that person at least 2-3 times and see how do you feel while being with him. Are you able to share your innermost emotions with him?. Does he understand you and reciprocate with loving answers.

 Does he show involvement and interest in your talks about your life as a journey? Hold his hand and close your eyes and sense his energy as to is he really the one whom you would like to spend a loving time?.

All these answers will help you feel an immense satisfaction without yourself and you will definitely feel loved. Please feel free to send your valuable comments/suggestion to improvise my blog and help millions of homosexual people on this earth.

Whats my purpose of being gay?-Understanding your essence and purpose

Every religion and ethics of spirituality says that each one of us is sent here to share unconditional love. However the purpose of each one of us is defined differently. The biggest challenge to a gay's life is the realization of this purpose. We are not able to share this unconditional love with people because the heart's energy gets imprisoned in the past, in the fears developed over the period of time, our inner judgements about being left alone and much more. 

 In a book called manifesting your destiny by Dr Wayne Dyer, the fifth principle says that you must honor your worthiness to receive. He describes there that we do not feel worthy and not able to trust ourselves if any tragic incident happens in our life or we lose a loved one. We tend to develop fear and stay attached with that incident endlessly. We doubt our energy to receive love and a worthy relationship. We become fearful and started living in fears.

My concept of fears completely changed when I read Anita moorjaani's journey of surviving cancer after reaching near death experience. She was about to be succumbed due to her fears related to her own identity and cancer. However in her near death experience, she felt embraced with unconditional love of another realm where she could understand the true purpose of her life. She came back without any evidence of cancer in her body and started living her life fearlessly since then. She could realize her magnificence and happiness in being herself. You can check more about her story on her website >> The moment we discover our purpose, all our fears are released and inner desire to stay on our purpose give us strength to keep going. You stay on your purpose and rest everything (loving companionship, worthy relationship, feeling of being loved always and material needs) all will be taken care by god. Meditation and having secret communication with god help you to realize your divine life purpose and stay aligned with unconditional love. Please remember you are never alone your source is always with you.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

A real piece of gay pyschology

It is a real incident that changed my way of looking at life. It was a wintery morning of last few weeks of December and I was waiting for next metro at a open metro platform of Pulbangash (North Delhi). After waiting for few minutes the train finally came and I was in a rush to board the crowded metro, as I entered a young guy of about 22 was standing at the entrance, I had to push him to get through. As I got settled I saw that I same guy was shivering with cold and observing me cautiously. He had a cute face and pink lips and eyes often rolled to see me and my body, his hands were in pockets. As I saw him looking at him he pushed towards me and took his hand off the pocket. As if he wanted to say please embrace me in your arms I am feeling cold. Beneath his hands was approaching my groin. Suddenly I felt a finger rolling over my dick and he was reluctant if I retaliated. But I said nothing and more fingers touched my tool. when he gained the confidence that I am enjoying it he took hold of it and pressed it hard. I shook away his hand and then we both dropped to Kashmiri gate metro station. He was looking decent and educated so I thought it is good to talk. 

He told me that he is interested in men and accepted his sexuality as 'gay', I liked his acceptance. He told me that he very well understands the emotional and physical needs of a guy because he worked for a msm (men to men) NGO for an year. He created my intellectual and physical interest in him. I felt like frankly discussing things with him. I asked him if dated men via online website like (planetromeo and Grindr). He answered in very polite manner and said I don't go there because everyone says goodbye after having sex. He was saying every cheesy thing which was convincing me that he was perfectly suitable for me for a long term friendship. I could say he was intellectually satisfying my ego and making me feel very good. In the meanwhile I also caught him observing my groin area, may be thinking about my size and the feel of my dick. I did not pay much attention to that. Finally I was ready to give him my contact number. I left for office and he left for some of his personal work. 

I was busy with my work in the afternoon when I saw a call from a number which said 'Metro Avinash'.I has saved his number as 'Metro Avinash'. I was in a meeting and did not pick up the call. I received 3 more calls at about 4 o clock. I picked the call to say that I am busy. But the voice at the other side said sweetheart you did not call me. With his cute face in front of my eyes I could not say no to meet him at Rajiv chowk at 6pm. I was standing in front of KFC and he came from behind and kind of tried to put his hand over my dick. I thought he was trying to hug so I hugged him warmly. He was shivering with cold and looking into my eyes with some lustful feelings. He told me that he had no one at home and that is why he just had tea since morning. My heart said what a poor chap, I should treat him with something. I took him to MacDonald and ordered burgers and on his demand cold drink. I asked him if he would like coffee or tea. He denied and said cold drink is that what he loves the most. I thought he was shivering some time back but did not argue and bought him cold drink. At the table while we were eating he told me that he has learnt two levels of french and will be enrolling in third level very soon. I had a keen interest in french since childhood and  but never have been able to attend classes. After knowing this he offered me if I could teach him English and he will teach me french. It was a formulation of another bond which strengthen my trust in him. While I had kept my burger on the table and was having water. He suddenly picked my burger and took a bite. He
wanted to tell me that how emotionally attached he feels with me on the first day of the meet. He was satisfying every small need of my ego. My ego who often tells me that I deserve to attract and be highly loved by all the good looking young guys in the world. He was doing everything to convince me that he is the best and a permanent match for me. My ego was telling me "Yes Rahul, you have conquested him and you can make him do everything which satisfies you". After eating he told me that near one of the metro stations he knows an isolated place where we could spend some private time. 

It was getting dark and I had to return home but his mesmerizing eyes and pink lips did not let me go home. We went to that place, it was an old abandoned garage where no one could have come. 

Without wasting much time in hugging, he smooched and started to undress my trousers. I told him to do some body play but his eyes were fixed on my dick and he wanted to grab it as soon as possible. After some force able body play he took my dick in his mouth and sucked it endlessly for 15 minutes. It gave me a great sense of pleasure and pride. My ego was saying to me "Your dick is a valuable asset of yours and every young lad wants to taste it and suck it to the core". After doing it repeatedly for 20 minutes he wanted to shag and he shagged.The things changed after that. I had not shagged till then and he was seemingly in an escaping mode. He was masturbating me so that I could ejaculate at the earliest. I jerked and both of us wasted our hands in the nearby basin. He was not looking at me and kept saying that "my brother will scold me if I reach late and I will miss BIGG BOSS too". We headed towards the bus stand and took the same bus as our places were on the same route. After purchasing his own ticket, we sat on the same seat.

He was continuously looking at the other side and avoided contact as if he wanted say what I am stuck at. He told me that his brother is always around therefore do not send any sms and if he is not able to pick my calls I should not be calling him again. I was kind of attached him emotionally but did not argue for any of these conditions. I did
not want to lose him at any cost. Next day neither I received any calls from him nor I called him as he had told me not to do so. After 2 days I
called him at about 9.15 PM and he picked and said "Buddy, please do not disturb me as I watching another interesting episode of Big boss. I will call you myself if I feel like". For the next one week my heart ached and I
kept wondering why did I lose such a beautiful friendship. The feelings of rejection and non worthy of love kept cropping in my mind. Seeking answers to my questions I was searching internet and I read something about sexual freedom and it changed my mind completely. Ultimately what we all our looking for is love. 

The urge to have sex with most good looking people and many people is the need of our ego and not love. Once the sex is done, our ego fears that this person will hamper our freedom to find more sexy guys. Therefore most of the guys they try to avoid contacting the person they had sex with last night. They fear their freedom being lost and the emotional entanglement with the same person can block source of their satisfaction (which they consider as having sex with lots of sexy people). This unpeaceful mind and false sense of freedom leads to a shattered life. Most guys get to addictions and lose there health while looking for happiness in sex. I have seen guys of about 20 to 25 having lost weight, sunken eyes, hair lose, undergoing depression, losing appetite, taking 10 cigarettes a day. They have been looking for false sense of happiness and satisfaction. If we have patience in losing the right guy for us and do not judge people on their looks and amount of sexual pleasure they can give you. Spend time with them and meet at at least 2-3 times to observe how do you feel while being with them. Whenever you see a sexy guy in front of you, release the desire of your ego to have physically capture him. Wait and tell yourself that I see a good human being and a god in everyone. Tell your ego "I am enough" and try to talk to him anything other than sex. If he is genuinely interested in you he will definitely be interested in the conversation. If he goes away, do not regret because he was not good for your body, mind and soul. The patience always pays to get you the right guy. Always remember god wants you to be loved not to be used for your body. Any suggestions and feedback are most welcome. You are always welcome to share your own real stories.